The truth of the matter

Mostly everything in me wants to pack up and go home at this point.

My head swims every day with a language I don't know and my self-consciousness is in overdrive from the glares and stares of every day life. I am the minority. I don't fit it here. Every where I go I am an object of attention. Some people are crazy nice...I have gotten so many "you are very beautiful" or "you look like a celebrity" comments, but still they don't sink in. I know I'm just something different to them and they have limited English knowledge...haha!

This is a strange place...different sites, smells, culture. They don't say anything when you sneeze. They eat soup, rice, and kimchi with every meal. They don't respond to hand waves but to head bows. The streets stink of foul smells and all the women wear hiiiiigh heels. I miss clean, crisp air and trees and southern hospitality.

When I talk to people who encourage me I am near tears. I miss people. I am an hour from anyone I am friends with here. I miss hugs and deep conversations. I miss my family and my dog and hanging out. I even miss driving and having easy transport of items.

This is where God has called me. He made it so obvious. I know all my friends who have been missionaries have said, "your call is the only thing that keeps you there" and now I believe it whole heartedly. My whole body aches for home. But deep in my spirit I know the God of peace and purpose has prepared a life for me here. I am here because He wants me here. No longer for selfish reasons...I'm here to honor Him. If I can keep that in mind...remember I am ultimately here to shine my light, my spirit will settle in to this place that is so foreign to me. I am home.