Just thinking

Recently a close friend of mine asked me if I thought I would get married. She wasn't being mean or negative, just wanted to know what I thought. At this point, I am content in my life...more content than I have been since college really. In Korea I have this crazy sense of God. I can't say I'm that much more faithful to Him here, I still struggle to arrange my life to make Him the top, but He sure sustains me. I haven't been longing for a guy here. I haven't dwelled on the past much either. But at my core, I know I want to be married. I long for companionship and a family. I don't want to be alone forever. I want to experience lasting love. Sure I probably could have found someone to marry by now but no one has been the right fit for me. At times I doubt that God really created someone for me, but again, at my core I have peace He did.

I know I'm an odd ball. I know I like things my way, and boy oh boy the longer I'm single the more I settle into those ways. I know I'm not a knock out. But I'm loyal and deep and passionate. Honestly the age 28 is haunting me, taunting me even. It seems old and it scares me. I always thought I'd have at least one kid by the time I was 30, but now I don't know that that will be the case. God's plans have never been my own. My life has been nothing of what I mapped it to be. I mean, I'm in South Korea teaching English to middle schoolers....never saw that one. But I do pray that God has plans to give me a family, to grant me my dreams.